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For Someone Who Keeps Waiting

We are living in an age where society places so much pressure on finding someone just before a certain age. To be in a relationship. Girls are raised with a belief that if they don’t end up finding someone before they hit 30s they will be doomed to remain alone reason so many people rush into relationship not to feel lonely. I know people at 16 who were already go out on a dates. 17, already committed in a romantic relationship. 19, got engaged.

For those solo people out there, you might have questions in your mind as:

When is the right time?

-What is the condition?

-What took him/her so long?

-Who could be that someone?

-Lord, can you make him/her be that someone for me?

But should we be really bothered? Company? Happy? Conformity? Security?

SOMEONE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS LOAD AND CLEAR:

You are not defined by your relationship status. Your worth is not measured by the jewelry (or luck thereof) on you ring finger. Your life does not start once there’s a vow, and a ceremony. Your purpose isn’t put on hold until you fall in love. You don’t need to attach your identity to someone else, you don’t have to depend on someone else for your happiness because truth is no one will ever be able to make you happy if you are not happy with yourself.

It is important to know your season. Respect it.

Is it a season to study?

Is it a season to level up your career?

Is it a season for your complete emotional healing?

Is it a season of formation?

If it’s not yet your season to pursue or be pursued, do not awaken love.

Song of Songs 8:4 NIV

“Do not arouse or awaken LOVE until it so desires.”

The message was mentioned trice in the book of Song of Solomon particularly:

Chapters 2:7, 3:5, 8:4

In the Bible if it’s repeatedly stated it means it’s important.

We sometimes tend to jump into relationships because we are somehow feel that we’re missing out on something or that we’re incomplete. Trust me, you are not; It just that we allow this world to give us burdens that make our lives more difficult. We become more wishful, we become more covetous.

Wanting the wrong thing at the wrong time with a wrong motive is covetousness.

Too many people rush into search for the hidden entity that is love. Therefore most of the times they tend to settle for people who are not worthy of them. Because many of us are so scared that if we don’t jump in on the bandwagon of love at the first opportunity, we will never get the chance to get on it again, and in doing so we make horrible mistakes and those mistakes leave scars that sometimes last a lifetime.

And mind you, not all people in a relationship are happy. Most of them hang on to abusive partners and unhappy relationships because they are so frightened of being alone. Because society judges single people. They are made to feel inadequate and damaged and like there is something wrong with them which is not true.

Being single is not that big a deal. Know that you are not alone. I know there are times you feel little bit ‘bitter’ and ‘envy’ at the same time but please just wait patiently.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

-Ecclesiastes 3:11

Go and chase your dreams as you wait for him/her. Focus and thrive in your career. Be the person he/she will be proud to have.

I’m not saying that you need to be perfect. But at least you can say you’re in your ‘best version’ of yourself at the moment God revealed him/her to you. Keep hard trekking on your journey and wait patiently.

Don’t settle just because you want to feel wanted. Don’t settle because you’re afraid of growing old alone. Don’t settle because you may have found a “good person who puts you first.”

Wait for a person who doesn’t put you as his foundation. You should wait for a person who puts Christ first, seeks His Kingdom first, and because of His love and devotion to our Redeemer He loves us accordingly.

Wait for a person who is planted on our God, our rock– and together you find each other because both of you made the Lord your foundation.

Never enter in a relationship just because you only want to feel happy and be entertained (hindi yan entertainment. Wala kayong tv sa bahay?) or to experience what it’s like to have a partner…that’s so shallow. If that’s your sole reason to be in a relationship you better off stay single and wait until you grow as a person and be matured enough to handle things.

Love is not experimenting on boys and girls to arrive at a perfect relationship.

Love is not love when it comes at the wrong time.

“The wrong person at the right time is a wrong thing. The right person at the wrong time is still a wrong thing. It should be right person at the right time for love to be right.”

Love is never an interest.

Love is not synonymous to flirting .

Love is not sex outside marriage.

God is not joking when He forbid sex outside of marriage. Is not because He’s no fun. It’s because He loves you. He knows what sex outside of marriage will do to you. It’ll mess with your mind, body, spirit and emotions. It’ll make you miserable.

* You don’t want to miss out on the blessing of the wedding night.

– There’s something very special about a couple making love for the first time. They become one flesh. This exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure is only meant to happen within the intimacy of marriage. If we don’t wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.

If you refrain from doing it outside of marriage:

•You’ll be spiritually, physically, emotionally healthier.

If you continue to feed the fleshy desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be damaged.

God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure, He’s helping us avoid baggage carried into our sexual relationships.

**Just because some might think it’s unusual doesn’t mean it’s already a lie that you can’t be stay pure until you get married. And just because many done it already doesn’t mean everyone has done it, too.

Please ladies, don’t settle for less. Protect your purity. Remember, a man who knows how to control is a man who knows how to lead. And why settle for mediocre if you can have the best?

It doesn’t mean too that if you already done it, you’re bad. No.

Repentance is a key.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”

-1 John 1:9-10

Be an open book. Don’t hide your sins. Confess it to God. He restores us when we repent. He don’t care about your past, He just want you. He’s a God who runs to us when we return. When we decided to go back to God, He will meet us halfway. God’s forgiveness erases everything.

Also, just be reminded that every time you say something especial to someone, you take a part of that person’s heart and he/she will thinks that you have given to him/her a part of yourself. Then there will start a feelings—most unstable feelings.

They say follow your heart. But the Lord says, GUARD YOUR HEART.

You don’t need to hurry. Being a single person alone is a blessing, knowing that God has given us time to do everything to build up our personality and character. It doesn’t mean that if you’re single you’re vain, hopeless or there’s something wrong with you. No.

You, yourself must feel complete with your relationship with God before finding someone else to love. If you’re seeking the Lord, once your heart is aligned with His, if it be His will, I believe He will provide HIS BEST in HIS PERFECT TIMING. Our sweet Jesus is not malicious. He doesn’t withhold good things from you for fun. He will give you that someone to you in time. There’s always a reason, a season. Know your season and honor it.

There is no right way for you to find your forever other than God’s way… And trust me you don’t want it any other way.

Seek Him first. Love Him. Pour into your relationship with Him the way you long to pour into your future marriage.

Find a person who pushes you to notice Christ. Find a person who pushes you to put Christ first. Find a person who leads by example, and reminds you that Christ is ultimate the person you should be imitating.

So love yourself.

–Kim

24 Things I Learned By 24

I really didn’t have the audacity to put together a blog that talks about how to go through to your 20’s when I couldn’t even figure out how to go through the transition of my 23 to 24 own my own. Kind of like processing the things, fighting through life, and being able to exceed yourself and excel even through the most difficult season.

I have gone thru a lot these past couple of months but I’m thankful and I love the Lord. I know all of these things are happening under His sovereignty and I trust Him in all of that. But at the same time, I think one thing that we as Christians really remember that is not to doubt God. We should always have certain level of reverence towards Him and trust Him completely in every aspects of our life especially the bad things happened to us. But it also okay to let yourself be… To allow yourself to feel through the pain and to be grieve and just sulk sometimes but within reasonable parameters and that means to getting able your self back up eventually.

Without further ado, here are the 24 things that I learned that now I’ve turned 24. These must be a mouthful but I hope you pick up something from these.

Onto the 24 things I’d learned by 24 that also may or may not also apply to you…

Here we go

1). These are some of my essentials I carry with me on a daily basis. I always bring Sunscreen, Powder, Lip balm, Waterproof Brow Powder, Perfume, wipes, and I have some hair ties to keep my hair tidy.

Why Sunscreen is important? Because prevention is always better than cure.

You have to have these to stay fresh.

For boys, it’s important to have an even tiny hygiene kit. You’ll never know if you gonna meet someone important or if your friend suddenly asked you out for dinner or something. It’s always good to have that handy.

2). It’s also very important to bring umbrella. You will never know when it will rain so we always need to be ready. I always have my big payong with me ‘cause I don’t want to get soaked and ayokong naiinitan haha. Bring cushioned plaster with you, too. You can use it for unexpected minor wound. I always carry a few strips of cushioned plasters because I love to walk a lot but I hate foot blisters. Aaaand I never leave the house without a bottle of disinfectant because germs will be the death of me, literally.

3). Make sure you have a clean tissue before you do your business in public toilet. No matter how dry or clean you think the seat is don’t sit unless you’ve sanitised it or don’t sit at all, it safer that way.

4). Bring your own jug of water everywhere. It will help you to save money if you have your own jug of water or tumblr to bring to school, work, and when you travel. Also the amount of help you will be giving to environment.

5). Drink up to 8 or more glasses of water everyday.

6). Unplugging from screens about an hour (or more) before bedtime really makes difference.

7). No social media.

Doing social media detox is very very important. These are one of a few things that I’ve realized all throughout the years I’ve spent on social media. It can totally make or break you. You don’t have to try so hard to make your life look picture perfect. Reality bites but it’s better to live in it than to fake a life you never really have. And it’s kinda exhausting to feels like as if we’re obligated to be updated on the life of our friends and to always get involved with their life issues. And living the best life doesn’t come in squares nor the number of likes. It’s how you appreciate every little thing that life has given you. No matter how big or small that is, it’s always up to you to find your happiness in it. So doing social media detox is very important and you’ll thank yourself later.

8). Read 2 to 3 books in a month. It might not be the ideal number for a bookworm but it’s better than zero. I would personally suggest you to read a lot of books and articles or anything substantial. It will helps you, will educate you, makes you grow, give you different perspective, and lets you live lives that you would not have live otherwise.

9). The kind of music you regularly listen to can change the way you live your life and the way you interact with people. Also, the kind of books that you read, the kind of politics or news channel that you watch, the kind of people that you surround yourself with, and the kind of information that you digest on regular basis is basically molds the way you see the world. So be careful because those are very important things.

10). Alcohol is not a necessity for socialising. Not going with friends to clubs, pubs, or night outs won’t make you miss out on a lot. There’s JOMO (joy of missing out) in staying at home, binge watching movies or TV series, and enjoying your hot chocolate than going to parties. You can say it’s boring but the older I get, the more I appreciate staying home and just chilling.

11). Traveling is one of the life changing experience that one can ever gain. I did this a lot and I’ve been doing this a lot. Traveling on my own and traveling with friends really changed the way that I looked at myself and the world around me. It also gave me different perspective that I think I wouldn’t ever gotten if I stayed in my comfort zone.

12). One must prioritise exploring to his own country. Our country has so much to offer. We got beautiful islands, incredible people, and the-amazing-best foods out there. So explore the Philippines before you go out and explore the world.

13). Notes, cards, and sweet-nothings need not only be directed to someone that you’re in a romantic relationship with. It can be also for your mom who cook for your dinner, to your friend who always remember to check up on you or random wait who went above and beyond to get you that cold glass of water; A kind word goes a long way. Let them know that you appreciate them.

14). I learned that if something doesn’t work out, move on the next. God didn’t make a huge world for no reason.

15). When you want something. Go ahead and work for it; If you don’t know the answer just say so. Honesty even it makes us feel uneasy, dumb, or dependent, is always better than faking your way for the sake of ego. I know that it’s hard to admit we don’t know something but at the end of the day it is so much easier to actually say what you mean than kind of fake your way through your life.

16). If you have a dream, and you feel very strongly about it, I say GO FOR IT. To me, taking that very first step is the most fulfilling part of the exciting process.

17). Our happiness should always be a priority, yes, but if your happiness is solely for ourselves and we end up stepping on others people’s rights in the process, then I think we have to re-evaluate that source of “happiness.”

18). If you have nothing good to say learn to be silent. In most situations charity champs liberty.

19). When you lose your temper, when you snapped, or do anything out of impulse that you end up regretting, the next best step to do is to admit that you are wrong, apologise, pray about it, and make it better. We’re all human beings. We make mistakes and we tend to say things that we don’t mean. We go through seasons of our life that we were just down to the dumps and we don’t know what to do and we lose it — it’s a human nature. We’re sinful by nature. So you ask God for forgiveness and ask God’s help for that person to forgive you also. And you ask the Holy Spirit to transform you so that you can be better and you can be a better representation of God that you serve and for you to become a better representation of a person you want to become.

20). We all have a bad day. We get tired and we not always in the mood but whatever you going through it should never be an excuse on how you gonna treat the other people around you.

21). Each person that we interact with is an immortal soul that we ought to value. It really get easy to forget this and you look at someone base on the family they come from, or the work that they do and have, or the number of Instagram followers that they have, but you have to remember that every person that you meet is an immortal soul. They have immortal soul within them and you have to value them at such. Their dreams, heartaches, pains, joys, journey, ideas, life, they’re all value. We have no superiority above anybody and we made at the image of God that gives us an intrinsic value. Each of us no matter our race, gender, background, flaws, or incapabilities, we all have intrinsic value because God made us. Value and respect people. Don’t ever feel superior over someone and don’t let anyone makes you feel inferior because you’re valued. God loves you. That’s the most important thing you have to remember.

22). It greats to take care of your body. Eat right, exercise regularly, dress up, and fix your hair. Also it is important to take care of your heart, feed your mind and nurture your soul. In a world where people put such an extravagant value on how good somebody looks, don’t ever forget that what really matters is the inside. Your heart, your head, your soul — what feeds it. What do you live for? What kind of person are you? What the kind of characteristics and values that you have? That’s much more important than how you look or how your life looks like on instagram or any other social media platform.

23). Truth is at outmost value. We must seek to uphold it every time. But ‘truth’ must always undergird with love or else it will just fall into hostile ears. What I mean is for example, your coworker is not performing well or your mom is being unrealistic and unreasonable or you want to call your partner out for doing something off, tell them. But always undergirded it with love. Not in a shouting or angry way. Always do it with love. You can’t just really say, “Friend, you look horrible today,” yes it’s true, probably. But it’s not loving. If we say the truth it should be in a loving manner for it actually be heard. It is okay to inform and educate people about truths, make them aware, but again, this must be done with the common good in mind and without the use of profanities. That’s the most valuable thing we can do for somebody — loving them enough to tell them the truth. Doing it in a such a careful and understanding manner and not by judging them for then they have no reason not to listen.

24). Pursuing relationship with our creator and increasing our faith is the most important above all. I really can say that this is the most important lesson that I’d learned in my life. Once I started pursuing my relationship with Him then and everything else followed. I’m not saying that I’m a perfect Christian or that I’ve never sinned after I accepted Christ because my gosh! I’m sucha failure. I’ve hurt the Lord so much and I disappointed Him so many times in my life… but that’s the thing. When God looks at you and you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord Savior, it’s no longer your righteousness that He sees but the righteousness of Christ imputed in you. Meaning, when Jesus died on that cross and once you accepted Him as your Lord and savior and follow Him with all your might with everything you’ve got and you carry your cross every day and you deny yourself and when you just follow the Lord, your life is transform in the sense of it’s not longer your life your living but the life of Christ in you— that’s the most important thing that we could ever have and ever pursue in our lifetime.

I hope I was able to share some helpful insights by sharing 24 things I’ve learned by 24.

–Kim

Midsommar | Non-Spoiler Review

I don’t really know how to describe how I feel after seeing this. I am not even sure if I can call it horror because even the director doesn’t want to call it as such. This is a follow-up to his soul-shattering debut “Hereditary”. While both films have similar elements, Midsommar is on the different end of the spectrum.

THIS KIND OF MOVIE GENRE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. For some they find it boring kasi ang horror film sa kanila more on jumpscares. But as for me, the real horror film is when you leave the cinema ay mapapaisip ka parin sa pinanuod mo.

1. This is a slow-burn movie. It takes a lot of time to focus on the characters and events within the movie. It’s 2.5 hours long. I was surprised though as I did not find the movie dragging at all. It was maybe because of all the gorgeous CINEMATOGRAPHY!! This speaks arthouse, the cinematography is beautiful, set in rural Sweden. You’ll get sucked in by its visuals — i loved it!! This is a gorgeously shot. Well planned, slow, and directed at weird angles that screams perfection to our eyes. The pulsating colors. The rural countryside. It’s smorgasbord to the eyes. Most pagan/folk horror films are shot in broad daylight to give focus on its visually stunning colors. You’re in for a ride. Now don’t get fooled by the colors as we delve deeper into the film. Kudos to Ari Aster also for all the research, all the foreshadowing, clues, cultural references, and art. It’s a visual feast.

2. Florence Pugh (Dani) – She’s a rising young star capable of any genre thrown at her. She really is the focus of this movie. This is, first and foremost a movie about pain, and broken relationships. You’ll really feel her pain, anxiety, depression and everything in between.

3. It’s an auditory feast as well. The background music is hypnotizing, too, and adds a different level of effectiveness to some of its sequences. Very unsettling yet very poignant. It’s very eerie. This movie is not really just pure horror. Yes, at times there’s a continuous feeling of dread and unsettling tension on what the heck is gonna happen next, but it also has comedic and dramatic moments. This is not what you expect from a usual horror movie. But there’s graphic nudity and violence, gorehounds should stay away if you’re into an adrenaline-pumped grindhouse. This is a true-blue Aster work: slow, palpitation-inducing, and patient. This film is bizzare AF!

4. My only gripe is that don’t think it reached the highs of Hereditary. I admit that I’d still prefer that twisted Hereditary over this, it is still an outstanding horror movie to watch. Bizzare!!! I can repeat that adjective a thousand times, and believe me, I’m not drunk or high. Haha

Definitely a MUST SEE. GO! WATCH IT! I cannot wait for Ari Aster’s next film.

Note: No post credits scene + I suggest you watch the R-18 version. Take note that SM blurs/cuts some scenes to bring it down to R-16.

Life Lately Ft. My Birthday

July is A CANCER SEASON!!! According to psychic reading Cancer season is in full swing.

Moving through Leo in Cancer, could cause dramas and emotional outburst. So the transition is expected to be all big gestures and drama. Things may start to play up, not in flow, breakdown, go wrong… But I don’t know, as for me it happened the other way around. These last couple of weeks have been awesome! A lot of uh-may-ziiing things happened to me lately, as in. Maybe July is really my month all along!

Wow. Just wow.

So I’d thought to share some of my favourite experiences these last couple of weeks.

Monday, July 1

On Monday night after my shift, I went downtown to met up with a few friends for dinner at Romantic Baboy, I’ve tried different samgyeopsal restaurants but, this Romantic Baboy is one of the best unli samgyeopsal resto. The side dishes are really great. My friends and I spent the next two hours just chatting and laughing.

I ended the night by toning my mostly faded purple hair in an attempt to get rid of some of the weird yellow-ish parts, but (to my surprise) it ended up removing all the remaining purple.

Tuesday, July 2

I always feel tired and sick. I don’t know why but my knee and back has been hurting for a week now. I wanna get it checked but my mom said my bone is just becoming rigid since I don’t exercise. Um. She’s right.

So, with that said, I jogged around our subdivision. Did you know that my favourite type of cardo is running?… running away from my problems hahahaha! Kidding. But really it’s cute how running can make you feel so alive but also like you’re dying at the same time.

Wednesday, July 3

I chilled a bit in the morning, then met Nigel (!!) downtown for a late-ish lunch. We talked about my plan for my birthday. Using his laptop that he brought with him, he showed me some good to go places in North. We talked for couple of hours and ended up making our tour itinerary. We also booked a cabin through Airbnb. Wooh, if you just only knew how much excited I am for that trip, superb!!!

After that, we stopped by Fullybooked to buy a book. It’s been a long time since I went to bookstore and gahd I miss being surrounded by books and miss smelling them!

Finally took this baby home

We then hit up some thrift shops! At the last store we went through, I found a really cute high waisted jeans. I’m super duper fan of high waisted jeans and shorts. I found it pretty cool and cute, eh.

It was around 6 PM when we grabbed snacks at convenient store. Be more chill it was, we sat on the curb. There were fuccboi squad and one of the these dudes is telling a story about the girl he laid up with last night. One of the friends injecting comments, too. Ugh, what a jerk! And it got me like, “What the heck, shut up ka nalang dude that isn’t something to be proud of.” Only to realize they heard us the whole time. Then one of their friend was having a hard time with parallel parking until the dude bumped the car beside him hahahahaha! Nigel and I were like all crying on the floor trying not to die. Don’t like to say this but karma is real. But seriously, I really feel sorry for that girl. She doesn’t have any idea how douchebag that guy is.

After we finished our foods, he drove me home.

It was a long day but a good day though.

Thursday, July 4

I woke up relatively early. I busied myself and cleaned every inch of my apartment. I dusted the ceiling and scrubbed the floors until they were glistening with my reflection. I wiped every surface, sent the clothes to laundry and marie kondo my room. I definitely still have a lot of things I don’t need (things don’t ~spark joy~) so I get rid of things that aren’t serving me anymore. I really feel like the state of our personal spaces reflects and affects the state of our mind.

“CLEAN ROOM, CLEAR MIND”

Now, apartment was sparkling like a brand new home.

I laughed when I found the letters of my classmates back in college— I used to give them letters before and then they wrote back to me although I didn’t ask them to do it but they still did. Sweet isn’t? Because as for me, I just really love randomly write and give it to my friends and family saying how much I appreciate and love them, etc. Yeah, I’m so mushy hahaha.

Gosh, it’s so nostalgic for me.

I also rearranged my bookshelves. I’d love my room and my life to be more minimalistic.

Side story: I can still remember that time like it was just yesterday when I used to put my books inside my closet and cabinets and even on empty balikbayan box because I don’t have shelves. But thanks to my mom now that I do have shelves chz.

Friday, July 5

On Friday, actually met up with Janina, Rain, Bry, Mathev, and Nigel for dinner. We shared bible verses and prayed. Afterwards, we walked around a bit and stopped by dessert shop. We grabbed some ice cream and went home. It was refreshing to be with them, I’m happy.

Before I sleep, I prepared my things and packed my stuff I’ll bring to the trip. It was suchhh a good day.

Sunday, July 6

I went to church, as usual. After the service, I immediately went home to cook for lunch. By 2 PM, Janina and Nigel came to picked me up. It almost around 10 PM when we got to Sagada.

We checked in first before we ate dinner. Afterwards we go to our respective rooms and sleep right away ‘cause we need to get up early on the next day.

Monday, July 7

On Monday morning, we have a quick breakfast before we proceed to our activities. We trekked to Bomod-ok Fall and swam to its crystal like waters. By 12 noon, we stopped by Sagada Hub for lunch. We ordered different several dishes, and lechon kawali is my favourite!! The foods are reallyyyy good. The serving is also generous!

Our tummies were happy and full.

Next, we headed to Sumaguing Cave. We went spelunking — it was my first time.

After that, we decided to play and relax. On our way back, we decided to buy strawberry yogurt.

True friends know how much I love strawberry yogurt and strawberry milk so muchhhh!!!

Tuesday, July 9

We visited Sagada Pottery. Several locals accommodated us. This is one of the nicest things to this place. The people are generally nice and genuinely hospitable. You really can see the pure joy and humble pride in their eyes.

It’s heart-warming. Those are rare these days.

They showed us how they create their pots and we even tried it too.

We ended the day by visiting the Lake Danum for sunset viewing. It’s super fun to catch the sunset, it’s my favorite. We ended up snapping few pics around the place.

Wednesday, July 10

My Birthday!!!

We had to get up early because we were to go to Marlboro Hills — it is known for having sea of clouds. It became popular because of its breathtaking view at sunrise and it is only forty-five minutes hike.

Witnessing this view for the first was truly magical!!

If you want to de-stress, this is definitely the best site for you. A perfect place for a good unwinding.

The next trip, Baguio City. We stopped by for lunch then hit the road again straight to La Trinidad Strawberry Farm. We walked around and took tons of pictures of each other!

After that, we went back to Manila. It was passed 8 PM when we got home.

I was tired and exhausted, but in the best way possible! I was excited to get bed because I was so sleepy but when I got inside our house, I was thrilled to see my mom leaning against the door. She greeted me and hugged me tight. She said, they were waiting for me. Guess what, my brother was still awake and he teased me (as always) haha. Papa cooked dinner for us. And I thought Nigel and Janina already went home but they came back and brought a cake for me.

God! I was sooooo happy. We spent the night chatting about our trip. This was unexpected but really great!

I really have fun and it was really nice celebrating with them. I felt like my heart was about to explode because of happiness shkfjsfkskkf!!! (▰˘◡˘▰)

Thursday, July 11

After a very long busy day, I was about to go home but my friend, Rain, called me. So I went to our favourite restaurant in Katipunan to meet her. I was shocked when I saw her together with our other friends! Only to find out that they organised a surprise birthday party for me. I can’t contain my happiness on how really grateful I am. They truly amaze me.

I totally had no idea, mostly because I didn’t expect that sort of thing to happen to me in real life. But also because of Rain’s acting skills! Haha mygahd. I don’t know if it showed but I was a little shy that day. I kept thinking, “What did I do right to deserve this kind of love and support from these people?

I’m thankful. Very, very thank you to each one of them — my family, friends (and above all is to the Lord) so much for always being there for me and supporting me in every way. Thank you for turning into my friends along the way. Just… thank you for everything. *CRIES*

❀❀❀

A lil late buuuut — but thanks to everyone who remembered me on my birthday. And so thankful to everyone who’s been part of dis lil baby’s journey so far.

I love you all!

-Kim

Depression: Looking Up From the Stubborn Darkness | Review

Depression. Its something I have struggled with and am always sleepy because of genuine pagod or yeah it really maybe because I’m suffering a depressive episode and have recently realized how many people I have in my life who have been touched by it, too. So I have started reading through Edward T. Welch’s work, “Depression: Looking Up From the Stubborn Darkness.” Edward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He has counseled for over twenty-five years and has written many books

This book gives real hope for those who struggle with depression. The book is broadly divided into four parts, with and introduction. I particularly resonated with chapter 2 in the introduction, ‘How Depression Feels’, this chapter will help give understanding to someone who has never personally battled depression. It is where Welch genuinely seeks to get inside the mind of the sufferer, and there are stories, quotations, and poetry that aid the non-sufferer in thinking through the experience, and (I think, at least) help sufferers give words and context to their feelings. As someone who has suffered from, but is not currently suffering, depression, I found this chapter to be powerful and helpful.

The next major chunk of the book, ‘Part One: Depression is Suffering’, is immensely helpful. “Many suffer in differing degrees of openness across a range of afflictions[…] it is common, in many communities, for a ‘stigma’ to be attached to those who suffer,” this theme of understanding depression as suffering is particularly helpful. I also appreciated his emphasis throughout on the truth of Scripture; “God really does speak in our suffering, and we have good reason to believe that the words he says are good and powerful enough to lighten our pain”.

Welch make depression look less painful than it is head-on. But neither does he let the lying depression claim the day. Instead, he point God and Scripture (especially the Psalms), hopeful reminders of God’s love.

The seven chapters in this section cover some vital themes, with Welch offering powerful reflection on ‘Suffering’, ‘God’, ‘Cry Out to the Lord’, ‘Warfare’, ‘Remember’, ‘Purpose’, and ‘Persevere’. I think that this section is incredibly rich, and deserves wide reading.

As I have read through it I have taken excerpts that I have found encouraging and that I think summarize his main points and strung them together in a way that I think makes sense.

Persevere

In Scripture, the word “surrender” links you directly to “persevere, be patient in trials.”

As with so many commands of Scripture, “persevere” is more than something God says; it is something he does. It is one of the many aspects of his character. The reason it is of great worth is that it is one of the chief ways God has revealed himself to us. Scripture consistently points to God’s perseverance and forbearance with his people.

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

(2 Pet. 3:9)

 

For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.

(Ps. 69:7)

 

May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.

(2 Thess. 3:5)

 

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Heb. 12:2)…

 

How can I give you up? How can I hand you over? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger. For I am God, and not man—the Holy One among you. I will not come in wrath. When the Lord roars like a lion, his children will return.

(Hosea 11:8-10)

 

But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.

(1 Tim. 1:16)

All teaching on perseverance, patience, and endurance find its source in the character of God. Just as we love because he is love, and he loved us before we knew him, so we persevere because he is perseverance and he has persevered with us throughout history…

Given this connection to the character of God, perseverance is not ordinary but glorious, Think about it for a moment. Let’s say you just heard a testimony from someone who said she had been depressed until God completely delivered her. She is, of course ecstatic. But could it be that she was putting her trust in being healed rather than in the God who loves, forgives, perseveres, and heals?

Now consider another woman who has experienced deep depression. Her testimony is that she believes God is good, whether depression leaves or returns. She has learned to persevere in troubles and find contentment in God in the midst of them. That is a glorious testimony.

Perseverance isn’t flashy. It doesn’t call attention to itself. It looks like putting one foot in front of another. But beneath the surface, where few can see the glory, is something very profound.

(Rev. 2:2,19)

You are becoming more like God. God sees it, and he is pleased by it.

Perseverance is more than just making it through life until you die from natural causes. It is perseverance in faith and obedience. It is perseverance in our God-given purpose, even when life is very hard. Perseverance asks the question, “Today, how will I represent God? How will I trust him and follow him in obedience?” Then it asks for help from others, cried out to the Lord, and looks for an opportunity to love. It may seem feeble, but our confidence is in the God who is strong. The essence of persevering is trusting or obeying because of Jesus.

The second section, ‘Part Two: Listening to Depression’, is where Welch attempts to unpack some of the causes and influences on depression. As someone whose depression seemed predominantly chemical, but knowing many folk whose experience and understanding is radically different, I found the initial two chapters here:

•Depression Has Its Reasons: Other People, “Adam”, and Satan”, and

•Depression Has Its Reasons: Culture

Genuinely fascinating.

Now Listen more carefully to depression. Like all feelings, it is a kind of language.

Guilt says, ” I am wrong”

Anger says, “You are wrong”

Fear says, “I am in danger”

Depression, too, has a message, but the message is usually not that simple. Whereas some emotions are clear and unambiguous depression’s language is more heavily encrypted. It might take some decoding before it is understandable, but it is worth the effort.

Emotions have a history. To put a complex process as simply as possible, their history consists of two parts: (1) events outside of us, which include physical problems, and (2) beliefs, spiritual allegiances, and interpretations within us. The interaction of these two, over time, is what causes depression…

Depression doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It has its reasons. And although we have already found that it isn’t essential to know the reasons, we still keep an eye out for them….

Start with outside events. Even though the connection between certain events and the feelings of depression might have faded over the years, depression can often point to something or someone—a divorce, a serious accident, or an abusive past, to name a few. Perhaps one event can’t accept all the responsibility, but it can still be significant because it was either first or most intense. It provoked an approach to life that eventually, sometimes only after many years, culminated in depression.

The basic categories for external events are other people, the general curse on creation that came through Adam, and Satan.

OTHER PEOPLE

Other people are the easiest cause to identify[…]Other people bring the greatest pain into our lives. Although the connection is usually obvious, the cause can get harder to identify when the sins of others have become either so distant or so habitual that we don’t recognize them as a serious offence.

Linda[…]said that her circumstances couldn’t be better but her depression couldn’t be worse…

Her childhood home, Linda said, had been structured. There were clear guidelines and expectations, which made her feel “secure and loved.” When asked for specifics, however, Linda recounted expectations that were inordinate and oppressive. Grades, future career, the resume of each prospective spouse, clothes, all school decisions from elementary to graduate school—these were just a few of the areas that her father controlled. Tears, apparent weakness, and independent choice were unacceptable. What was odd was that Linda appears unaffected by all this, as if her past were good and normal…

What would it be like to live in a world where mistakes, as defined by a father, were unacceptable? What would it be like to live in an environment that was controlled to the last detail? To this day, when authority figures speak, Linda seems to become glazed and subservient, never questioning, even when requests are ungodly.

Thus depression, in a strange way, suits her. She feels like she can’t think clearly, so outside authority isn’t questioned. Every act of submission or doing the expected then contributes to a sense of depersonalization and loss of identity.

Making these connections was an important start for Linda. She began to see that what she was feeling was most likely linked, in some way, to the daily patterns of the home in which she was raised. Once she saw this, she was pointed to issues in her relationship with God. Her operative belief system embodied significant falsehoods…

Pain is usually tied to something that happened to us. Does this matter anymore? Does it matter to God? God’s sovereign control over history and our own personal stories make past situations more important, not less. What happened to us was not a series of random, unrelated events.

I think Welch rightly understands the role of Satan, as he writes “he does most of his work through strategic partnerships. Partnering with the curse… Partnering with our own hearts… When he partners is unclear… That is why, when depression persists, we don’t immediately say ‘Satan did it’. I think Welch carefully navigates the tension of understanding where depression comes from—and we should note the fact that our first inclination should not be to blame the devil, but to be careful and cautious and caring. Among the other chapters in this section are The Heart of Depression’, ‘The Heart Unveiled’, ‘Fear’, ‘Anger’, ‘Dashed Hopes’, and the three that I found most challenging and helpful, ‘Failure and Shame’, ‘Guilt and Legalism’, and ‘Death’. It is in this section that we start to see useful strands for advice and pastoral care emerging.

…we are absolutely persuaded that what happened is wrong and we are right, but it is almost always wrong. Isn’t it true that the vast majority of anger is destructive and hurtful? And isn’t it true that self-seeking anger will ultimately bring misery on the angry person because anger is contrary to the way God intended us to be?

Ask yourself, “what do I love?” Or, “What rights of mine have been violated?” Persons respect, appreciation, admiration, control power, impact, being right, revenge, comfort, privacy? If your anger has lasted more than ten minutes, you will find that your own heart is not innocent.

Now connect this to your relationship with God. Your worst relationship with other people reveals your heart before God. If we don’t love others, we don’t love God. If we are angry with others, we are standing against God. With our complaining and grumbling, we have set up an implicit test for God: Will he give us what we want or not? We made life about us, and when we do, we are doomed to a life of perpetual dissatisfaction.

… Anger is always a form of imitation. Either we are imitating the way mercy trumps anger in the character of Jesus, or we are mimicking the destructive anger of Satan

(John 8:44). There are no other choices.

 


Response:

Anger is one reason why people hold onto depression.

When I’m depressed, pain is my friend. I wallow in pain. It’s what I am familiar with. I’ll tell you that I hate my pain and that there is nothing good about it, but I still hold onto it. I’m so dead inside, so empty of any enthusiasm or hope. My pains reminds me that I’m alive. It allows me to be angry! …

This is where you must be an expert in knowing your own heart. Otherwise you are left groping in the dark. What you can see about anger is that someone did wrong and you are angry. What you don’t see is that anger is that the anger reveals more about your own heart than it does about the other person…

The third section, ‘Part Three: Other Help and Advice’, is the most intensely practical element of the book. Covering Medical Treatments, Welch is balanced and careful regarding the use of antidepressant medication, encouraging consideration of it (rather than, as some Christians still very unfortunately do, discouraging it). Welch also offers a helpful chapter of advice For Families and Friends. The final two chapters in this section are more reflective, but still practical, looking at ‘What Has Helped’ and ‘What to Expect’. The former includes a list of 20 helpful things, 9 unhelpful things, and 20 strategies for engaging with and loving people with depression. I love some of the closing words from the chapter on what we might expect;

“Depression gives you tunnel vision. Scripture gives you vistas that extend from the beginning of creation to eternity”

The final section of this rich and helpful book, ‘Part Four: Hope and Joy: Thinking God’s Thoughts’, contains two chapters which re-orient the readers hearts. An emphasis throughout Welch’s book is that the heart is a key area of the self when considering suffering, and the closing chapters of this book are aimed there. ‘Humility and Hope’ and ‘Thankfulness and Joy.’ Welch makes up for it with deep biblical reflection, some helpful practical advice, and a balanced approach to pertinent issues. I would highly recommend it to leaders and those involved in pastoral care, as well as parents/spouses/­relatives/friends of those who suffer from depression.

To top it off, mental health is a huge topic in our generation. Basically it talks about what goes to a person when they going through depression. It’s not about the neuro-psych side but more on emotional side and how that manifest throughout the body and it also talks about the spiritual side of it as well. Like he said, “Where is God in the struggle?” And I feel like you cannot have true hope without the One who gave it. So it’s very important to find God in whatever you going through. For me it equipped me to be able to pinpoint where God is in my life while I’m going through this thing; It really talks about hope and talks about many many people who able to overcome stuff like depression.

The worst thing you can do while struggling with depression is to give up hope.

‘Cause when you lose hope, you’re just surviving. You’re not living life anymore to its fullest. You lose the will to live, and we don’t really wanna do that at all. So, I read this book and it changed my perspective in depression and change my perspective where God is in my life. This book feels like getting a good, kind and caring friend. It is a compassionate book, full of understanding and gentle exhortation. So if you are struggling with depression, this is a must read.

Rating:

★★★★★

On Her Ride

If you were given a chance to go some place where no one knows your name and forget everything, would you? Would you wish to move to the farthest part of this planet, change your name and leave it all behind? Would you be glad to know that you are alone now, no longer surrounded by the people you once knew, no memories are longer tinged you with an acute sense of warmth and familiarity? I would like take the bus en route to that town to search for something and probably never come back.

I remembered my tired sleepy eyes. From the glass window of the bus where I calmly took a seat, I watched as the bus gracefully drove its way across the bustling metropolis. I caught a glimpse of my reflection upon the glass window of the bus with street lights flashing upon me one after the other, seeing resemblance to my visage, dark and sullen; loneliness slapped me. There was sadness in every inch of my shriveling skin, a kind of sadness that visits the far corners of my frigid heart, a kind of sadness that Holden Caulfield probably felt when he imagined himself catching children in the rye. 

As I looked at the weary and pallid faces of the people inside the bus, my mind drifted off and wandered around.

The adult world.

The episode of life that was nothing more but a trade, a barter. Where every gesture, every word, and production is haggled down to a price, in exchange for some transitory security. Piles of paper, sticky notes, a plethora of pens, the click click tap tap sound of the keyboards are equivalent into cash cash cash.

I am a marionette and a single flick of the finger could knock me out of this fabricated equilibrium.

Is it possible to live in the absence of routine—without pattern, without rhythm?

I’m searching for something to hold on. Perhaps, the process; the genuineness and honesty of everything. Everyone seems wearing their own mask. Aldous Huxley, Brave New World taught me that things are not always as they seem. Callous individuals who only care for ideas such as collectivity and the common good only when it benefits them, or when they are first and foremost seated safely on the comfort of their own convenient lives; It’s the same on how could you tell if someone is genuinely care for you? How could you tell if they’re genuinely true to you or just faking it? How could you tell if they are really wanna help you or if they’re just doing it because they are expecting something in return in a long run?

The mere thought of it sends shivers down my spine. We are just another piece of the planet where we mere mortals fumble blindly or organize ourselves.

Then again, all I want is a process that allow happiness, realness, and genuineness to exist. The right calculation for me to being able to carry off my role as fully functioning adult. To have the right equation for me to mustered every ounce of courage inside me and carried myself out there where I can learn how to thrive and to survive the way other people did despite of these invisible forces. At the same time, I felt the bitter pang of honesty between my tongue, bouncing to the roof of my mouth and sliding to the hollow tunnel down my throat for remembering what I really wishing for so long—the art of forgetting.

There are days when I would wish for a big ball or something huge and hard stuff, to strike me on the head, to make me forget history.

With all the weight of these unspoken emotions—all these memories, all these hate—I got off from my ride. I was at the commotion inside of me as I tread the busy streets like a ghost: tired, and lost. And it was then, in an instant, the landscape of the whole city split into halves which both leading to a dead dark end, seconded by the blaring noise of cars and buses speeding across the avenue.

Half full of hate, agony, and memories marched its way to me again. Drowning in my own delirium, heart retrograde into the source of its pain.

I could perfectly remember the night when I was surrounded by everyone I love. I was young but I understood them all, as everyone immersed themselves into conversation. The roaring laughter from across the living room beating into my heart like a familiar melody; The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus blasting music cracking into everyone’s head like a powerful chemical compound; I walked outside our house and there I saw my dad holding a bottle of beer. He flashed me his sweet smile when he saw me. We talked for a while, that’s the longest ten minutes of my life, and I hugged him without knowing that would be the last— that night he collapsed. Everyone huddled and panicked. The loud, throbbing music in the background went away. I saw the fear in their faces. They rushed him to the hospital. I stood outside the room. The faint lights of the emergency room crashing in upon me like ten million lightning bolts. God knows how much I hate hospitals.

Drops of sweat on my forehead, I closed my eyes.

I have a hard time processing the things. All the events that have happened.

I have a lots of questions running inside my head but I’d realised the answer was far more difficult than the question which required it.

I turned my back and walked recklessly as far away as my feet could take me, until I saw them, inching closer and closer and closer to my direction, until it was no longer possible for space to deny the fact that they were there—a former people in my former life. Looking at their pallid faces and twisted smiles, fear snatched me defenselessly; Remembering how each one of them ripped my soul out.

I blinked my eyes repeatedly only to find myself in the middle of the district, in the middle of traffic, headlights flashing, the wailing scream of a scrambling city.

I saw her standing few inches away from me, holding a gun pointed straight at me, ready to blow my brains.

I was frightened making my breathing slower; I’m drowning but at the same time went down through the pandemonium.

In no time, she pulled the trigger—she shot me right there. I laid down on the floor. Leaving me there at the thought she had killed me.

I closed my eyes and bled.

I was destroyed.

Who needs guns to kill when you have words?

All I ever wanted was to let go, to just let go.

So I ran, ran, ran like a mad man.

I still remember our house in the South, for in there I was once have a happy childhood, safe and sound. There are instances when I would like to hark back to a day when I was just a little girl and how my every action was more than enough to make everyone satisfied.

There are so many things and events I wish I could undo. How to warp time and penetrate into a new current or puncture the walls that separate the past, the present, and the future?

But I guess, no machine can carefully extract our hearts and memories from suffering over lost love, care and genuineness. Nothing could undo these; Everything has changed—The people I can no longer reconnect with because time has erased the context for such an event. And surely, no matter how I would try to make it comfortable and natural, I still could feel a wall piling up between us before I realised that it was the trappings of time that was making it impossible for us to talk the way we used to; The events I can never recover. And the fact that I’m powerless to protect myself from these certain monstrosity.

Nothing can snatch this girl from what she has become. This divergent girl have changed differently on her thoughts about love, friendships, family, and life in general.

I closed my eyes again and when I opened, finally circled my way back to reality. As much I wanted to stay there, under the heat of those orange street lights, nonetheless I walked straight to the north to take another wild ride home, and tears began falling down like the pitter-patter of the rain.

The rustling of the leaves, the wind blowing heavily. My feet glowing in the dark, everything is scaring me! But I tell myself it’s okay, everything will be okay.

Hoping and praying that this sweet girl will truly figure out what moves her, what encourages her soul, what she deeply crave from life.

I hope she can show the world what she can do with all of that passion inside of her. Wishing she find acceptance. The kind that rings through her bones, the kind that quiets the voice inside of her that tells her that she is not good enough. Praying that she forgive herself for the mistakes she have made. I hope she learn to let go in order to heal and to survive. I hope she learn how to be proud of the person she are becoming, I hope she learn how to be proud of where she are — even if it isn’t exactly where she want to be.

I hope she will find the kind of moments that take her breath away. I hope she will travel to places that cleanse her, I hope she go to concerts that ring through her bones and make her feel alive. I hope she surround herself with the kinds of friends that encourage her spontaneity, that are always there for her. I hope she live. Truly.

But most of all, I pray that she will find herself out there. I hope she figure out her heart and mind. I wish she will learn how to be kind to herself.

At the end of the day, I hope she find what she’s looking for out there.

It is time to surrender the war and finally lay this revolution to rest. You fought well. It’s okay, self. It’s okay. Better days will come. But for now, take a rest.

Dealing With Fake Friends, & Difficult Co-Workers

I’ve been thinking how to spot fake friends and how to deal with them and how to conduct yourself in a difficult situation. Dealing with people is never easy. But we have to learn to traverse through life.

I’m not an expert, but I wanted to share my thoughts with you. So take everything with a grain of salt!

Here we go,

How to spot a sincere relationships from a fake one?

Your friends should be your supporters. They should want to see you win. They’re happy for you. You should also do the same for the people in your circle.

I believe that matters. Not to have people who gets jealous and threatened by what you achieved. Because really, it’s hard to understand friends that you always support, cheer for and are there but in return you get silence, no support, no encouragement and it’s always about them.

You’ll spot these unnecessary relationship once you could started to see something as a red flag.

It might look like:

•They are people who are not just there for the friendship but for more of the perks.

Maybe these are the friends who you don’t have a sincere friendship. They’re not there for friendship but because of the perks. Like they only become your friend of what you have at the time to benefit them. When you don’t got what they need, they will started to disappear.

I might say that this is the easiest kind of friend to see that is fake because you know that person doesn’t want to be on your side when you’re going to have a hard times.

•A hater that disguising themselves as a friend.

People who two-faced snitches who smile and saying good things to your face and run their mouths about you the second you’re out of the room. Saying so much trash about you. And the reason why they’re friends with you is because they wanna see and be up close for your potential failure you might have.

And there are a lot more other types and scenarios. You just have to observe.

How to deal with fake friends

•This is not only for friendship but for relationship too. Whenever you’re dealing issues with your relationship with someone or your relationship with your some friends, you should always deal it first with curiosity before judgement.

In any complicated situation whether it is you think if this friend is fake, or whether you think that your partner is cheating on you, or whether you think that your boss will never give you that promotion and he just want to keep using your talent to get the credits on his own, it happens, really, you have to first deal it with curiosity before judgement because you have try to understand why that person is that way. You can’t control how they are. So instead of becoming taking their passive-aggressiveness and start being agro-aggressive with it, be curious— why are they this way, why are they jealous, why are you feeling this way, because maybe it just you— your anxiety trying to knock you down. Try to understand before you relinquish or before you let out all your anger.

Like, if your friend suddenly doesn’t talk to you anymore because you have been busy or the friend who doesn’t react or like your post or something like that; Try to understand before making an assumption that your friend is just doesn’t want to befriend with you anymore. Look internal, what can you do to make things better. If there’s anything you can do to make things better then understand why that person is maybe in that phase, dispirit.

You can’t control how people will act and how they are but you can control the way you respond to things and to relationships. Before you act on other person, you have to act upon yourself. And before you reacting you should ask questions. Because sometimes you read the situation with judgment already. Your judgment is clouded already. You feels like someone is getting mad at you or someone is fake or someone is trying to cheat you, but in reality they’re not. It just the way you feel and the only way you can figure out things is by start asking questions to yourself, assess yourself, and eventually to that person also.

Do not react, respond. Because when you respond there is time to sit down, internalise, think and you start to do something instead of a knee-jerk reaction. Don’t be a jerk and respond!

In everything going on this world right now, it’s so easy for us to be either be extreme emotionless or be extreme emotional. The way that you can really find that balance is if you first sit yourself down. As for me, I pray about it, think about it, or sometimes I write down my thoughts and process it on my own before I lay it down to another person. This is all in assuming that there is actually nothing happened or if there is you can actually take a step forward with grace and kindness towards another person and towards yourself also because you don’t want to find yourself in unnecessary situation like fights and arguments (because things can deals with calmness and in a nice way).

The second step after you process things on your own is to try to talk and reach out to the person you think is your fake friend.

Just remember that were many ways that could turn out: They could deny things and lie on your face; or it could be also a good respond from that person and could actually have a good conversation.

If you’re going to make that confrontation, use a tone that will not be perceive that in different way. Make it as a reconcilable tone as it could be. Because if you’re trying to deal with somebody that passive-aggressive and you’re coming in with a very aggressive tone or using aggressive words will only set it off in a very bad way.

It’s possible to settle the problem with calmness and peace. We’re not in high school anymore. Stop bashing and hating one another.

What’s important in dealing with an issue is not who will win or will lose the argument. The goal is to always resolve the issue in a manner that glorifies God.

One way you can really figure out that you’re starting to adult and you starting to grow as a man or a woman of substance is when you start thinking with your head and heart together. Not just your head and not just your heart. Because you have to be both empathetic but also intelligent in your arguments. And be able to reach out to that person but at the same time lay down what your feeling and what your thinking.

It should not be a battle between your heart and your mind whenever you trying to confront somebody. It should be a negotiation between the two.

How about this fake friend of yours is a client, or a boss, or your best friend for the longest time and all of a sudden she just has a paradigm shift of some sort and she decides to stop talking to you and not to befriend with you anymore?

Ouch, isn’t?

How could you deal with that?

Well, if it’s a boss, well, suck it up. Forget about it. Hahaha. If you don’t have a job on a way, put your head down and keep going. Stay on your lane and deliver. I think if you’re dealing with a fake friend or a user friend and that person is your co-worker or someone you have to deal with on regular basis and you actually love your job and you wanna able do your job well, don’t take it too personally. I know it can be feel so personal because it’s very personal matter or personal attack, probably you feel that way, but in different situations and different circumstances… you have to stay on your lane and do your job as long as this person is not blatantly keeping you from being able to deliver in the way you should be delivering in the manner you are expected you. There’s no reason for you to confront or be angry to this person. Unless, that person is trying to keep the projects from you or ruining your image with your boss.

I think the problem with the most us young people now that have to deal with is sometimes we take things too personally and we get offended so easily. Sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for not so good reasons. You just really have to look at it from a long term prospective— is this situation, is this arguments, or is this losing your job over this person just because you’re uncomfortable around them is worth it in the long run? Or is it just something could be fix and reconcile without anyone having to really butt hurt?

‘Cause if you can do your job and complete your task that your boss asked you to do without having a confrontation, try that first. Because that is something that will not cause any problems in the office dynamic and in the chemistry in your team or something like that. But if you can’t and you think it’s really need to call out, then talk to that person. Lay down what you think and feel about that person. Like, tell him/her that you can’t perform well and you can’t do your work because how the way he is, etc. If it’s works out then good. The issue is solved. But if it’s keep occurring then you can actually bring it out to the management or to your team leader or whoever top of both of you that could manage and lead you both.

It’s really hard ‘cause sometimes you kind feel like it’s close to your heart. So you just wanna jump the gun and go on arguments but really part of adulting is putting your emotions aside and being result oriented and kind of dealing things head on with most optimal process. But again, when it gets toxic you might do something about it.

Okay, I know and sure that there are lots of way to deal with fake friends but this is the more diplomatic way, I believe. The most ideal way to go about it. And what I really wanna impart and remind young people is when you’re growing up and when you’re adulting is you’ll going to deal with different sorts of people. And by all sorts of people, I mean you’re also have to deal with fake people: fake people who will try to get the best of you, who will try to cheat you, who will try to take advantage of you but that does not necessarily mean that you always have to address conflict or to jump in to conflict. There are a hundred ways to deal about it or in the situation and there are a hundred ways to be smart about it.

Don’t react, respond. Internalise and see all the different possible outcomes by doing different way of tackling about the issue— tackle it in the best way possible.

Lastly, think to yourself too. Because sometimes we’re just tend to be entitled. We feel entitled for people to treat us in a certain way— To treat us in a nicer way. For them to be more polite and be sincere to us, which is nobody is entitled to that. Because if you think about it, there were would people who aren’t polite, people who aren’t sincere, and people who aren’t nice although we feel they’re supposed be nice to us because that’s the right way to go about things, but some people just don’t look on that way. Some people are just straight on business and don’t have care how you feel as long as they deliver their work, they don’t care about you— it’s a part of growing up, dealing with that. You will encounter people who aren’t nice and who aren’t type of your people but at the end of the day it’s really the way you will respond on the situations and at people who matters most. And not how people will treat you. This is aside the legal stuff like if they already harassing you or aggravate you, ‘yong tipong pinapahirapan ka na ng bongga because if that so, you just have to take it to authority but if it just a relational problems, I don’t think anyone is entitled to anyone.

Just forget the exterior forces and deal it internally and if you can deal with everything own your own without having the outside factors come in, then that’s what you can control and that’s what you should tackle it.

The world doesn’t owe you anything, the world doesn’t owe you to be nice but you kinda owe the world to be nice. If you can do that and you’re being nice but people are mean to you, at least you did your part.

There are really different people we encounter on a daily basis whether it’s a personal or professional, but what you can control is the way you conduct yourself. The way you extend love and grace to other people.

Keep loving. Keep cool. Be kind. And Smile.

–Kim